Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Road of Infertility

Infertility ... a word that alot of woman know but doesn't know what the concept of it all means. The emotionaly part of being infertility is draining and althought you know it will let you have a child at the end of the road (only for some) is the driving urge to continue and put yourself through all the injections/tablets/surgeries/scans.

I went for a check up with my gynea on Thursday and all is well. He said that I recoverd well from the miscarriage and the operation. We can start trying again. WTF ... does he know what it takes from me to TRY again. My heart was so sore after the appointment. We got so far in the 6 years of trying and now we have to walk this road of infertility again. I'm angry at the world and angry that why can't I fall pregnant naturally like any normal woman. I'm angry that we have to go through all of this again. I'm angry that my body healed faster than what my heart did. Will my heart ever heal? Time is patience but I just don't have the patience any more. People say that things happen to you to make you stronger, but how strong must I be. All I want is a child ... is that too much to ask.

Throughout the 6 years of walking this road of infertility I never use to get angry but today I am. You get dissapointed in life and you deal with it, but how do you deal with this road of continues dissapointment. People think you must just lift up your head and go on. "It will happen eventually"

1 comment:

  1. Karin, my heart breaks for you! Anyone that tells you bad things happen to make you stronger in response to hearing about the loss of your twins, please tell them to shut the f**** up! There can be no useful reason why you had to go through that, there can be no useful reason why two babies lost their lives to make you stronger? I say no ways! Sometimes in life the cruelest things happen and they have no rhyme or reason!
    As for you anger, it is a good sign! Its good to get angry, its a sign that you are processing what happened, that you are grieving and that slowly but surely you are healing.
    Anger is the second stage in the 5 stages of grief.
    The first is denial, the second anger, the third is bargaining, the fourth is depression and the fifth and final stage is acceptance!
    I'm so glad that you are seeking professional help as they will be able to guide you through the confusing stages of your grief.
    If you feel you are not emotionally read to start trying again, then don't! Do what is best for you right now.