Friday, January 29, 2010

Sadness ...

29 January 2010

Today is 2 months since I lost my precious boys. The last week has not been easy and I was feeling very sad and the only thing I want to do is fall pregnant and feel the love again I felt for these two babies, but unfortunately the pain will always be there and the emptiness.

I have been keeping myself extremely busy so I don't have to think of what could have been. The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes I wish I can find the off switch. I have been seeing a therapist for the past 2 months and it has help me a lot talking to her and get rid of the frustration.

On the 14th January I went for a Laporoscopy and Hysterscopy and my current Dr was very happy with the results. My tubes are open, he removed endometrioses and the septum in my uterus. I will see him again on the 4th February for a check up and then we will have a plan of action so will wait till then to decide what our decision will be.

For now I'm sitting with my own thoughts and missing my babies a lot. We made a pendant with their names (Troy and Thomas) and they will always be part of us. I never knew that life can hurt this much.

Friday, January 22, 2010

I'm a blogger

22 January 2010

Never in my life I would have thought of becoming a blogger, but after losing my twin boys I have decided that the best therapy will be writing. I have so many thoughts and the best way to deal with everything is to write it down or publish it. It might help someone going through the same or similar situation. Who knows?

The past month and a half has been the saddest time of my life. I never knew that life could hurt this much, but the pain gets better but will never go away. Some days something will trigger the whole thing and other days I carry on as if it never happened. At the time this happened in my life the support is there but sadly it disappear soon. You are only left with your thoughts and I was lucky to have such an amazing husband by my side. We got our strength from each other and if it wasn't for that I think I wouldn't have survived or got this far.

I am dealing with the situation and know that there is still hope for the future.

For now I'm happy to start this blog and get some of my thoughts out in the open.