Friday, January 29, 2010

Sadness ...

29 January 2010

Today is 2 months since I lost my precious boys. The last week has not been easy and I was feeling very sad and the only thing I want to do is fall pregnant and feel the love again I felt for these two babies, but unfortunately the pain will always be there and the emptiness.

I have been keeping myself extremely busy so I don't have to think of what could have been. The mind is a very powerful thing and sometimes I wish I can find the off switch. I have been seeing a therapist for the past 2 months and it has help me a lot talking to her and get rid of the frustration.

On the 14th January I went for a Laporoscopy and Hysterscopy and my current Dr was very happy with the results. My tubes are open, he removed endometrioses and the septum in my uterus. I will see him again on the 4th February for a check up and then we will have a plan of action so will wait till then to decide what our decision will be.

For now I'm sitting with my own thoughts and missing my babies a lot. We made a pendant with their names (Troy and Thomas) and they will always be part of us. I never knew that life can hurt this much.


  1. Karin, I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling, the hideous sadness that must be dragging you down inside. I am very glad to hear that you are seeing a therapist as I believe it can only help you recognize and move through the stages of grief.
    Just keeping putting one foot in front of the other, you're a brave woman!

  2. Karin, I'm so sorry. I've also just started posting and am finding it very therapeutic. You've experienced a horrific loss and, two months out, I'm not surprised that you are still hurting so much. So glad that your tests went well and that you will be deciding on a plan of action with your doc. I'm sending you a big hug.

  3. Hi Karin, I'm here through LFCW. I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your boys.

    Congrats on a positive news at the doctor's office :) and I hope that blogging helps as you move through your grief.

    Wishing you peace

  4. Hi there, Karin. Found your blog through Stirrup Queens and wanted to welcome you to blogging. I hope you will find lots of support and new friends in this community!

    I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet boys. Sending prayers as you discover what the next steps will be with your doctor.

  5. Here from LFCA. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boys. We lost our sweet daugther shortly after birth in late August, so I know the pain. Many hugs...

  6. Karin, A friend sent me your blog. I am very sorry for the loss of Troy and Thomas. I know that your heart is shattered, but please know that you can find peace!!! The Lord will guide you through this new journey!